(This is one of my favorite pictures of Abbey.)
It's been almost 4 years since Abbey passed away. The 4-year anniversary of her passing is October 14. I've been missing her a lot lately, and I'm sure it's due in part to the time of year. But, I can't help but wonder what she would be doing now.
I feel like we are in a totally different phase of life than most people our age. Most people our age have school-aged kids. Their kids are playing sports, going to school activities, playing with friends, getting baptized, and doing other "big kid" things. Those are the types of things Abbey should be doing now. Instead, we're here to wonder what life would have been like if she were still here. Would she be taking dance lessons? Would she be the littlest soccer player ever? Would she like school? Would she be excited to be baptized? I guess I just feel a little "out of the loop" because I don't know what it's like having to tote kids all over town, or try to get to 3 different games on a Saturday afternoon. I often feel like we don't have a lot in common when it comes to parenting. (I know, it's totally silly.)
Don't get me wrong, I am so happy for our friends and their kids, but I can't help but envy their stage in life just a little. I am so totally in love with Hannah and Brooklyn. They are the light of our lives, and make us incredibly happy. But, we're just not to the place where we were supposed to be. I know that the time will go by so quickly between now and then, and I'm not trying to wish it away, but I am definitely looking forward to getting our girls into some extracurricular activities. I can't wait to watch them grow up and get interested in some activities. Hannah and Brooklyn are going to be going to a weekly playgroup starting on Wednesday. That will be something we can all enjoy together. I will definitely have to update about that.
Sorry for the downer. I just had to get that off my chest.
16 comments:
I am so sorry! It is ok to see these things happening around you and be sad. If I were up there I would give you big hug but since I can't here is a cyber hug (((hugs))). I love the picture of Abbey. She is beautiful!
It is ok that you are having a downer. I can understand how you could feel the way that you are. I am so sorry that Abbey is not here anymore. She is beautiful in that picture. Such a pretty girl. Abbey reminds me a lot of Emma Clifton.
Bless you heaps,
Charisse
(FA Adult)
That was a little bit of a tear jerker:) That picture is adorable. You are so strong and amazing. I hope that you are ok in the next couple of weeks.
Oh, how I miss that little girl. I just wish I could take her out of that picture and hold her again(someday I guess). I am sure that it is difficult to watch all of your friends with their 'big kids', but time goes by so quickly and soon they will be in pre-school, and so much more. Hang in there sis...it is so hard not to miss her like crazy especially around this time. I miss her terribly too and wonder what things would be like too. She is so perfect and happy now and that is always a comfort to me when I miss her. I love you and hope you can find comfort somehow in the weeks to come(well months and years too):). Love ya!
Brandi, you made me cry! I Can't imagine what it must be like for you guys but know that you were chosen to be in this situation for a reason as sad & unfortunate as it is. You are such an amazing & strong woman & touch the lives of people you don't even know. Hang in there & know that "to every thing there is a season & a time to every purpose under heaven." Love you!
I can't imagine how you feel, but appreciate that you share it with all of us. Reading your caringbridge site, I was always struck by what a good mommy you were/are. I'm sure she's looking forward to being together again too. Much love.
I've been thinking a lot about Abbey too. This is sort of a crappy time of year because it brings up those last memories. I remember that it rained and rained for weeks after she passed away- sort of crying along with us. I am always astounded how someone so small made such a big impact on the world. I hope you know how grateful I am to have known your little girl. I love her and can't wait to see her again. Love ya!
I can barely see to type because of my tears. I loved seeing that cute pic of Abbey - just the other day as we passed the Syracuse cemetary we talked about Abbey and the kids said how much they missed her...we talked of the happiness she knows - can you imagine what her days might be like?? I have no idea how you've been so strong, but I look up to you and pray that you will have the strength you need. I'm so glad there's you!
You and Greg are great parents, and Abbey was a special little girl! She just had this special little spirit about her. I miss her.
Oh Brandi, you made me cry and I am so sorry. Abbey is a beautiful lil girl and I can't believe it has been 4 years. I am a mom of a 12 year old and believe me when i say, Enjoy them while they are young. It is hard getting all 3 of them where they need to be and the 7th grader at my house has a mind of his own lately. I know you would rather be doing all the running around if she were
here but I really look up to you. You are so strong!!!
This time of year makes me think of Abbey, also. In Reagan's room, I have the picture of Reagan and Abbey that we had taken before you left for Minnesota. I was just looking at it a few days ago and thinking she would have been baptized this year. We miss her, too. My thoughts (and love) are with you.
I've been thinking extra about Abbey too. The day she passed away is the same day Emma had her first bone marrow biopsy and the date is etched in my mind forever (because of Abbey, not the biopsy).
Your entry sure got the tears going... Please never feel bad for writing a downer email or anything like that. I think I can speak for all of us when I say that we love to hear about Abbey and love to hear about your feelings for her. She may have passed into the next life, but she is still just as much your daughter as the other two are. I know you know that (better than any of us!), but we know that too...meaning, please don't stop yourself from writing about her for worry that we'll not want you to.
When a child dies, it goes against nature. A parent isn't supposed to out live their child. I imagine no matter what stage your children are in or what stage other people's children are in - it's whatever stage Abbey would have been in that will be the stage you'll be hurting for.
Emma reminds me SO much of Abbey too. Whenever I see a picture of Abbey, my hurts melts...and I wish I could give you a hug!
Love,
Teresa
(by the way, that was supposed to say "my heart melts" not my "hurts melt")
For such a tiny girl she sure left a big hole in anyone who knew her! I will always cherish those times I got to take care of her. I pull her pictures out often and think of all of you. October isn't a great month in this family as far as having to say good bye to those that are so special to us. Life can be so very hard, aren't you so glad you know what you do. I have to admit though, sometimes I need a little bit more to get me through. I am so glad that you & Greg have each other and your girls but I can still understand what you are saying.
I love you all, Ruth
Aaah! Fall should be happy, but there are sad memories; and it is ok. I can still remember days following her passing that it was rainy and gloomy. I felt terrible because I never got a care package out to her. She was darling and I think you and Greg are incredible!!!
What a sweet heart warming post! You are such an amazing mom to all three of your girls.
I had the opportunity to meet Abbey once, what an amazing spirit she had!
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